HERSHEY UNLOADS EASTERLING, THOMAS In what is sure to be earth-shattering news, the Hershey Squirts today released two of the bigger skids on their roster, OF Paul Easterling and pitcher Myles Thomas. Easterling, who batted a mere .226 in limited duty last season, refused an assignment to AAA club, Chocolate Springs (Tex.) Thomas, who was signed shortly after the draft, was unimpressive during spring training, which was quite an accomplishment considering the state of the Squirts staff. MISSISSIPPI STAYS PUT, CHANGES NAME Despite strong rumors, Mississippi, the defending DBS champions, have decided to stay in Jackson, Mississippi. At least for the time being. They have decided, however, to change their name to the Clippers. REPORT CARD ANGERS JIHAD The pre-season report cards published on this website has angered the Sahara Jihad. The report cards, which grade each team's prospects for the upcoming season, was apparently offensive to the defending Northeastern champs. "We demand respect," said second baseman Ski Mellilo. "We've taped this article up to remind ourselves and to inspire ourselves." Some players have even gone as far as to blame the owner of the Harlem Knights as the unknown author. "I'll remember this every time we play them," said Jihad owner Mike Dib. Although the identity of the author is shrouded in mystery, it is believed in some circles to be the work of writer-in-hiding Salmon Rushdie. CBS PRESS RELEASE Excitement abounds in the cities of the Dead BallPlayers Society as Opening Day draws near. With this excitement, there are several interesting matchups on Opening Weekend. Most eyes will be transfixed on the Mississippi, as the World Champion Clippers face their top challenger in the SouthEast division last year, the Montgomery Burns. The Misfits hope to begin their defense of their crown with a successful series against the loaded Burns. Additionally, an interesting weekend series is shaping up in the desert. The NorthEastern Champion Sahara Jihad begin their defense of their crown against a team that many are predicting will win it all, the Harlem Knights. Sahara has juggled its pitching staff this year in an effort to fight off the challenge of the hungry Knights. Two "sleeper" teams face off this weekend in Pawtucket. The visiting St. Louis Bubonic Plague will be the guests of the Flying Dutchmen this weekend. A revamped pitching rotation and an awesome lineup will be put to the test for the plague. Highly touted rookie Ed Wells makes his first start Monday for the Dutchmen. Finally, the Hershey Squirts will take on the North Dallas Forty this weekend in Texas. Number One draft pick Earl Averill is scheduled to be in the Squirts lineup as is last year's stars Charlie Gehringer and Lou Gehrig. Bill Terry will also be making his debut for the men from North Dallas. The Opening Day pitching matchup of Carl Mays against Carl Hubbell is the classic passing of the torch between Carls in the DBS. Be there for all the action this weekend: DBS Baseball on CBS Radio - A hell of an alternative to the NBA