WEEK 2 SUKEFORTH GOES 7-7 IN 21-12 DRUBBING OF NORTH DALLAS -North Dallas, TX 4/13/29- In the highest scoring game in the history of the DBS, Mississippi used 5 home runs and an incredible 27 hits to down North Dallas. The two teams combined for 44 hits and 32 runs. Clyde Sukeforth set a major league record with 7 hits in 7 time at bat. Sukeforth had 6 singles and a home run, drove in 4 and scored three. Sukeforth, 27, was acquired before this season as a free agent, and has been hitting the ball extremely well as Gabby Hartnett's replacement. Goose Goslin had 4 hits and a grand slam home run. Jimmy Dykes and Wally Gilbert both had 3 run home runs for North Dallas. - Wire Reports - BURNS DROP EXHIBITION GAMES TO AAA TEAM, 8-0 In an off-day for the rest of the league, the Montgomery Burns traveled to Sprigfield to take on the organization's AAA affiliate, the Isotopes. Joe Hauser hit a grand slam and Max Carey had three hits to lift Springfield past the lifeless Burns, 8-0. Phil Collins pitched a strong game and earned the victory. There is no verification at this time that Dancin' Homer has earned the ticket to "the Show." More details as they become available. - Chris Dean - ST. LOUIS SPENDS OFF-DAY AT LECTURE While some teams played with themselves, the St. Louis Bubonic Plague attended a lecture by Dr. William "the Conquer" Dywer at the University of St. Louis. During the lecture Dr. Dywer explained that the teams dearth may have been foreseen as early as the mid-twelfth century. Dr. Dywer provides the following quote from John of Salisbury's (1115-1180) famous political tract "Politcraticus": "Perhaps you are ignorant of what is said; you may be ignorant of the infirmity because, not being a man disposed towards passionate desire (and in this being above mankind), you are unaware of the PLAGUE.... I know that Paul is not such, for it is he who proclaims and bemoans the onset of this PLAGUE: 'O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death.'" Babe Ruth, moved by the lecture, explained, "I thought we where having Salisbury steak! Where's the Salisbury steak?! All this talk about death and plagues...I feel like a (Hebrew) Oiler again." - The Blackfish - SQUIRT STREAKS A Column by Hershey owner Brian Klenk It seems the incident over the danish with Ty Cobb has spilled over into this year for Summa. Manager Brian Klenk goes as far as saying this "Summa was suppose to give us a little leadership this year but his passion for donuts brought him to training camp grossly over weight. Some speculate that even Ruth looks slim when standing next to Summa. Stats do not lie either Summa is one of only two Squirts to not see any action this year. When asked about the prospect of Summa playing any time soon Klenk refuses to speculate. You may remember last year a clubhouse brawl with Ty Cobb over a danish landed Summa on the disabled list. With the Squirts slow start one has to wonder whether the Squirts are swinging bats or cream filled twinkies up at the plate. To all around Hershey we know what Homer is Swinging. Rumor has it Homer is close to signing an endorsement deal with Dunking Donuts and we wonder if that might mean another trip to Disabled List to the radio spots? SUKEFORTH PLAYER OF THE WEEK Clyde Sukeforth has been named the DBS Player of the Week for April 10th through 16th. Sukeforth batted .370 (10 for 27) for the week, highlighted by a record setting 7-for-7 performance April 13th versus the North Dallas Forty. Sukeforth, who has taken over the catching duties for the defending champion Mississippi Clippers, also belted two home runs during the week, scored five runs and drove in seven. (See above story) POWER POLL Income Tax Edition 1 Mississippi - Just like last year: Fortune 500 2 Pawtucket - All good investments are maturing 3 Harlem - Getting acustomed to this tax bracket real quick. 4 St. Louis - A lot of short term gains, but long-term net losses? 5 Montgomery - Returns are only as good as your tax preparer 6 North Dallas - A front office audit is a-coming 7 Sahara - File an extension 8 Hershey - Going away for tax evasion